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::fusion:: / Thursday, September 15, 2005


You put in Western, Chinese and Indian food into the cooking pot. You get a cuisine fusion. Delightfully delicious.

But when you put in confusion, sorrow, anger, depression and tears as spices into the cooking pot. Stir it well and you get a emotion fusion. Not delightful nor marvellous, sadly, it is bitterness.

You try to detach yourself from it, but you can't. So try the other choice. I go deep in and experience it but that was a big mistake. I had went into the territory of trecherous sharks. I swim up, try to detach again. But failed, the bad experience still lives. Distorted pearls still trickle.

I go in and detach numerous times but it didn't help. Not one single bit.I feel it, its hurting. But i don't understand it, i don't know why its hurting that much. Kindergarden fights were history, this is worse than that chess game i played last year. Those people were normal. This time round, the new people in my life, were real, and should be treasured more than the rest. But what had i done?

I want to know what they are thinking. Their process churning up in their souls and hearts. What all of them think of me is not me. I am not the person they think of. It's different. Nobody knows. Much things still lies as mystery. But when my veil falls, they'll know. They'll know who i am, and the things that they wish to know but don't know what they are.

Lift my veil, and tear out my outer layer, i plead of you. I don't want to be a chesnut. Nor a seed trying to emerge from its thick layer. Water does not help. Who am i, and what, exactly, are the secrets the mysteries waiting to be solved?

Is this what i am experiencing now? Is the real me portrayed here? Why do i behave like that? Why must i have this mystery veil covered for me? Why must i be that chestnut and seed? I'd rather be the gentle bottle bobbing across the wide ocean. Having the ocean as support the horizon far acrosss as my future. I want that. But fantasy, does not even allow that.

I hope for that someone to crack me open.



/ihopped at
8:14 PM

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